Returning the Favor and other Slices of Life

Returning the Favor
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Friday, July 25, 2008

You can't be CEREUS!

Ok, so I'll admit I checked the date when I saw the announcement on Pokerati. After all, how could it be true that Absolute Poker and Ultimate Bet were going to merge in a blatant attempt to distract consumers from the amazingly bad publicity that both sites have garnered in recent months for being havens to cheats, superusers, jaywalkers and other really, really, bad people.

But it's apparently true.

So let me get this straight - just days after the Kanawhakemakeyousweat-aahh Gaming Commission sends out a press release saying "hmm, it looks like bad things are going on there, we should look into this. And we will. We promise. Just as soon as we're done counting our mobneys" Abso-cheat and UltimateTheif announce that they're merging into a new super-site that will immediately become the #3 online poker site in the world. Wow, that was subtle. And really, who announces that they're #3, anyway? Nobody really remembers #3. Who finished 3rd in the Indy 500? For that matter, who finished first, but you get the point.

But really folks, is this nothing more than a way to avoid bad search engine hits when prospective customers try to research CEREUS? So just in case anyone out there finds this while researching Cereus poker's new online poker site, here's a little bit of info. Cereus Poker is the blend of Absolute Poker and UltimateBet, two sites where a bunch of people were ripped off for millions of dollars in 2007 and 2008 by unscrupulous people who at the very least had highly placed friends within the company and had access to programs or loopholes in the software that let them see opponents' hole cards and otherwise lie, cheat and steal from their opponents. Both of these sites were pilloried in the online press, and now Cereus Poker is born out of those ashes without anything ever being cleared up as to who exactly was responsible and what was done to correct the issues.

I wouldn't play on Cereus Poker with your money. I wouldn't play on Cereus Poker for play money. I wouldn't play on Cereus Poker if it were the last online poker site in the world and Jesus Christ himself promised me that it was safe.

Ok, maybe is Jesus said it was okay. But no one else. Unless it was Iggy. I'd probably trust Iggy, too.

5 comments:

TenMile said...

Gee, this sounds like a site Congress will Cereus-ly repeal a law to approve playing.

Mondogarage said...

Thanks for bringing this to our attention, cereusly.

Really, there's no greater argument (to some) for enforcing a hardcore ban than the continued operations of cheating sites, sadly.

Anonymous said...

you ding dong, you think they just concocted this merging of rooms which takes months if not years of planning and execution to take heat off of them from the scandal....LOL

Drizztdj said...

To the comment above:

You want to give the super-user owners that much credit for having the forward insight to begin creating a joint poker site years ago while trashing UB and Absolute?

If that was the case, why spend untold millions at the 2008 World Series of Poker promoting UB and not "give birth" to Cereus under the biggest lights?

Think McFly Think.

Anonymous said...

Would you play on Cereus with Waffles money?