This might be the foulest story I've ever been told. And of course, I just had to run in here to type it up for you.
So my project manager's buddy is on tour with an opera company out of Philly a few years ago when the diva, the lead soprano, gets a terrible head cold partway through the tour. This makes the normally insufferable diva even moreso, so there's not a lot of sympathy for her this night.
So in the middle of an aria, right at a climactic moment in the opera, Diva sneezes. This is not some dainty little girly-sneeze, but one straight from the kneecaps. A monumental sneeze, backed by all the fervor of a headcold, which meant that it couldn't escape from the normal orifices.
Oh yes, boys and girls, this was a sneeze gone south.
After the convulsive episode, in the silence that follows the disruption of an aria by a sinus-seizure, there was heard from the stage a splat. Splat was quickly followed by an exit, stage thataway, as the diva didn't even pause, but ran straight to her dressing room, sobbing.
Leaving her involuntarily expelled tampon in the center of the stage.
I told you not to read it. If you're still insisting on doing naughty things, REALLY do not follow this link. It is VERY NSFW, so don't blame me.