Returning the Favor and other Slices of Life

Returning the Favor
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Friday, June 16, 2006

Blogger Commandments (suggestions really)

There have been a lot of posts about what makes a good poker blog, some posts about what sucks about poker blogs, and a lot of posts about what to do and not to do at your first blogger gathering. With just a few weeks until our next gathering, I thought I’d put together a few commandments (in no particular order of importance) for how to be a truly successful poker blogger and member of the poker blogger community, such as it is.

  1. Thou shalt not stare at Iggy. Midget Pocahontasi do not approve of being stared at.

  2. Thou shalt not fuck with Mr. Subliminal’s shopping cart. Degenerate homeless gamblers are not people to be trifled with.

  3. Thou shalt not talk about going to Vegas anywhere around The Luckbox. We’ll be in Milwaulkee soon.

  4. Thou shalt not bet against BadBlood in a contest of pushups. That was one of the few mistakes I’ve seen STB make in a poker room.

  5. Thou shalt not pick the same color as G-Rob on wheel spin prop bets. It’s –EV.

  6. Thou shalt not confuse your Geek with your Nerd or your Proud Geek with your JustaGeek. Fucking that one up could lead to bad holodeck jokes, rampant l33tspeak, frighteningly deep discussions on 10-tabling SNGs, or terrifyingly good Gollum impressions.

  7. Thou shalt tell Chilly how much St. Louis sucks. If you’re lucky you’ll get a Fuck ________ blog post of your very own.

  8. Thou shalt not take Felicia’s ranting personally. It’s not you, she just doesn’t like very many people. Like maybe three. On a good day.

  9. Thou shalt not play big hole cards in multi-way pots against Waffles, it’s just going to piss you off and amuse the Waffle when he cracks them with some retarded holding that hits the board like Grubby hitting a strip bar with a prime rib buffet.

  10. Thou shalt not push all in preflop with QQ against Gracie’s AK. It will not end well for you. I promise.

  11. Thou shalt not try to go drink for drink with Pauly. Or fall for fall with Otis. These people are professionals.

  12. Thou shalt not check-raise the junkkicker. She will beat you down and rip out your heart.

  13. Thou shalt not be superstitious around Special K. He thinks it’s bad luck.

  14. Thou shalt not look up my kilt. Unless you’re a cute travel writer chick.

  15. Thou shalt not play against DonkeyPuncher if there are Jacks on the board. He keeps a couple stuffed up his ass for emergencies. Right next to the horseshoe.

  16. Thou shalt not turn down a late-night call from a fellow blogger asking for bail money.

  17. Thou shalt not let Bill Rini play blackjack. When he’s sober. Drunk, he’s golden.

  18. Thou shalt not hit Maudie in the head with a chair. That’s Blood’s schtick.

  19. Thou shalt not remind Easycure that he’s now a felon. And we thought Otis lived in a backwoods state.

  20. And finally, thou shalt Never, ever, EVER, limp with the hammer.

So I’ve got 20 commandments, but I’m funnier than Moses, so fuck off. Although that whole burning bush thing? Now that’s comedy.

I’m so going to hell for that.

20 comments:

Donkeypuncher said...

Praise Buddah! Great stuff!

AlCantHang said...

So you're saying I shouldn't try to go drink for drink with Pauly?

Falstaff said...

Al,

Some people are simply above the law. You and BigMike are the gold standard of drunks, and no one would even dream of going drink for drink with you guys. Not unless they pack a spare liver in their carry on luggage.

Joaquin "The Rooster" Ochoa said...

Never stare at a guy who wears a kilt...WTF? I'm still laughing about that one.

April said...

Bravo, my dear, bravo.

StB said...

Yeah, betting against Blood was flat out stupid. I was hoping no one had really noticed.

Veneno said...

You wear a Kilt?...oh my...

The only rule I'm sure that I can stick too is #20.

DuggleBogey said...

I think you have to limp with the hammer now, just to disguise it...

Mr Subliminal said...

I will be using the very same shopping cart to haul away the WPBT trophy.

Anonymous said...

I did not realize StB bet against me. Now I know.

BadBlood said...

Sorry, that's me above.

Special K said...

Nice. You even made my commandment #13. This is going to be some trip.

Chilly said...

Fuck you and your lighting. And your hockey and kilts.

See you soon.

Love,

Chilly

Drizztdj said...

I'm getting more and more disappointed that I'm not going this time :(

Iakaris aka I.A.K. said...

very helpful...i'll try not to commit any cardinal sins...just stick just to the venal ones.

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This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
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